In This Article
Have you ever tried to be close to someone who didn’t share the same feelings as you? If you have, you can agree that that is one of the most devastating things that can happen to anyone. The feeling of rejection is second to none, and can even affect your sense of self-esteem if not managed well.
What are the signs someone is pushing you away? What do you do when you are being pushed away in a relationship? How do you handle the disappointment that follows when people push you away? How do you stop being pushed away when you love someone and wish to be closer to them in a relationship?
All these and more are the questions we would be answering in this article. When you are done reading through, you would find an effective blueprint for navigating the trying times when you are being pushed away by someone you love.
What does it mean when someone pushes you away?
Many Americans report being devastated when they try to reach out to the people they love (whether romantic love or platonic love), only to be met by a wall of bricks because these people are pushing them away.
Every successful relationship is hinged upon the active contribution of all parties involved in the relationship. So, when you are pushing someone away in a relationship, you withhold the love and attention they deserve, even if they give you this love and attention.
The “pushing someone away” phase is characterized by icy coldness, manipulation, verbal/physical aggression, emotional separation from the person who is trying to reach out to you, and defensiveness every single time they try to reach out.
Another thing that is worthy of note is that the person who pushes another away in a relationship usually does this because they believe they are doing the other person a huge favor by not letting them get close to them.
In summary, when someone pushes you away, they do not meet your efforts to be close to them. They set up emotional walls around themselves and every moment you spend with them feels like you are struggling to get over their strong defenses.
How do you know if you are being pushed away?
Truthfully speaking., it is almost easy to detect when you are being pushed away in a relationship. When someone pushes you away, everything about them screams at you that you aren’t welcome in their life.
In addition, there are clear signs your partner is pushing you away; many of these signs, to say the least. If you notice them, just know that you may be imposing yourself on someone who would rather you stay far away from them.
In a subsequent section of this article, we will look at the signs your girlfriend is pushing you away (and also the signs he’s pushing you away).
What causes someone to push you away?
Sometimes, it is impossible to effectively reach out to a loved one who is pushing you away if you do not understand what goes on through their minds and why they choose to act the way they do.
It might interest you to note that not all the people who push you away are evil. Some are just responding to you based on their perspectives about life and what they are worth.
As a matter of fact, research has shown that many people do not know how to respond to love and attention. In these cases, being loved arouses feelings of deep sadness from the past which the person on the receiving end of that attention struggles to block out.
More often than not, they may respond in the only way they know how to; by pushing away the one who loves and cares for them and hurting them in the process.
In addition to deep-seated trust issues from the past, many people push the ones they love away because of fear. They may be afraid of committing to someone who just ends up breaking their heart and leaving them out in the cold. In this case, they would rather stay off than allow the person to come close.
What better way to keep someone far away from you than to push them away from you emotionally?
13 signs someone is pushing you away when you are trying to be close
Here are some of the classical signs someone is pushing you away.
1. They start avoiding you
This is one of the first things you would notice when someone is trying to push you away. Honestly, this hurts a lot, especially if they have had a history of being happy with you around them.
They suddenly start avoiding you. They no longer pick up your calls or respond to your messages. When they manage to, there’s always an excuse about why you cannot hang out together.
Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Is She Ignoring You2. All forms of affection have gone out the door
This is one of the signs a friend is pushing you away. Yes, it goes beyond just the romantic relationship setting you are acquainted with. Everything that used to represent affection between both of you – hugging, kissing, cuddling, and small caresses here and there – all jump out the door.
When affection suddenly stops, there’s something big happening behind the scenes.
3. They cringe when you try to get close
In addition to all the lost affection, another thing you’d notice when someone is pushing you away is they tend to cringe when you try to get close to them. Not only do they not initiate any form of affection, but they also stand back when you try to reach out.
Do you know what’s worse? They might even be doing this subconsciously, and you’d notice it because it feels like a reflex action.
4. Communication is dead as far as they are concerned
One of the clearest signs someone is pushing you away is that they are no longer interested in communicating with you. Small talk dies a natural death and you somehow have to figure everything out by yourself.
When you attempt to reach out to them and initiate important conversations, you are met with silence and the cold shoulder. As this continues over time, you may even be tempted to give up on trying to communicate with them as well. Under these conditions, it is only a matter of time until the relationship dies.
5. When they manage to stay put, they don’t even listen to you
When you have managed to convince them to give you a few minutes of their precious time (to talk about something that should be important to all of you), you keep getting that vibe that they aren’t even listening.
Before now, they used to be interested in the things that matter to you. Right now, it feels like they can’t be bothered by your ‘drama.’
6. They prefer their own company
This may not bother you a lot if they have always been like this. However, this desire to be all by themselves started recently – to the best of your knowledge. Every time you try to check in on them and spend some time together, they seem to be wrapped up in something that demands that they be left alone.
On other occasions, one of the signs that someone is pushing you away is that they harshly tell you to leave them all by themselves.
7. They have become aggressive
No one loves an aggressive partner, but aggression can sometimes be the result of deep-seated anger expressed by someone who is trying to push you away when you are trying to get closer to them.
Their aggressiveness can take up any form. It could be physical, emotional, or even passive-aggressiveness. When it is physical, they may launch an attack at you and seek to harm your body.
When it is emotional, they mostly use words and their actions to make you feel bad whenever you try to reach out to them. When their attempts are passive-aggressive, you may notice them giving you the cold shoulder or trying to pretend like you do not exist – regardless of what you do to get their attention.
Related Reading: How to Deal With an Angry Partner8. You fight. A lot
At some point in a relationship, every couple is bound to fight over some things. These could be the seemingly small things or the big ones.
However, the good thing about being in a relationship is that even though you fight with your partner, you are willing and able to make the relationship work. Then again, the fights aren’t a usual occurrence.
However, this isn’t the case when you begin to notice the signs someone is pushing you away. When someone with depression pushes you away, one of the things you would begin to notice is that you would begin fighting more often.
Every time you try to get together with them (even if it is just for a small chat or for a quick hangout),
What’s worse about these incessant fights is that when you take some time to analyze what is going on, you would discover that you mostly fight over the things that shouldn’t be an issue to you.
Related Reading: How to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship9. They are more interested in their phones
Get them to go on a date with you and you may be amazed when they spend the entire time texting with their phones or looking at the newest videos on YouTube.
When she pushes you away, you would notice that she isn’t interested in hearing anything you have to say. In a bid to make sure that this doesn’t happen, she would spend the bulk of her time fiddling away with her phone any time she has to hang out with you.
The same thing goes for a guy who isn’t interested in making things work with you but is more invested in pushing you away any time you try to get closer to him.
10. Their blame game is on another level
Before now, they used to be quite independent and responsible for their lives. They understood that there isn’t any use in crying over spilled milk nor does it make any sense to spend their lives pointing fingers whenever anything went wrong.
Right now, the tides seem to have turned for good. Everything you do seems to be a problem for them. Do you know what’s worse? Everything you don’t do seems to be a problem as well. Sometimes, keeping up with the blames that drip from their lips can be exhausting.
Related Reading: How to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for EverythingSuggested video: Identifying emotional manipulation tactics; Guilt-tripping, shaming, and projecting the blame:
11. They have asked for a break from you and the relationship
People do not like to withdraw from the things they enjoy. We only seek breaks when we are entangled with something we do not enjoy or aren’t satisfied with.
One of the clearest signs someone is pushing you away is that they ask to go on a break in the relationship. More often than not, asking to go on a break is their subtle way of telling you that they would rather have nothing to do with the relationship. In many cases, asking for a break is usually a sign that they want out and may most likely end up with a breakup.
12. A close friend has talked to you about this
You may try o keep things locked down, but if someone who is close to you has suspected that something is off and has even complained about seeing how your partner treats you, it may be a sign that you may have to rethink many things.
When other people begin to sniff out things like these, it is usually because they are getting out of hand.
13. You just know it
When someone begins to push you away, a part of you suspects ad knows what is going on. Yes, you may be perplexed at their sudden change of attitude, but it doesn’t change the fact that you suspect that they are trying to push you away.
What to do when someone you love pushes you away
More than the signs, it is important you know what to do when someone you love pushes you away. This is because if you are stuck on your next line of action, you would remain in that toxic state without any plans for redemption.
Here are the things you must do when you notice the signs someone is pushing you away.
1. Calm down
It is easy to get offended or get defensive when you notice that someone is pushing you away. Taking any rash step as a result of anger will only make things worse and push them farther away.
Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship2. Ask them to tell you the cause
If they are pulling away because of something you did, this is the time to encourage them to talk to you about it. Getting them to open up is the first step toward getting your relationship back on track. You may want to brace up to hear some things you didn’t expect!
3. Let them be honest about what they want
it is impossible to fix a relationship when you don’t even know what your partner wants from you. When conversing with them, encourage them to not only point out what they don’t like but to tell you what they expect.
This is the only way to determine what you must do to save the relationship.
4. Seek professional help
If they are pulling away because of something haunting them from the past, you may want to suggest that they seek professional help. This may not be easy but it would save the relationship in the long run.
Summary
Knowing what to do when someone pushes you away is one of the first steps you must take if you want to safeguard your relationship with them. Dealing with emotional stress is difficult but worthwhile in the end.
Note also that it mustn’t always work out. You may try all you can t no avail. Under those conditions, prioritize your mental health and walk away. You’ll be hurt, but you’ll be fine eventually.
If, on the other hand, you are able to walk through this phase together, you can move on to a better and stronger relationship. Also, remember. Don’t push away someone who cares about you. Treasure them instead.
FAQs
How do you act when someone pushes you away? ›
If there's no obvious reason why they are pushing you away, it could be that they've become too comfortable in your relationship. If this is the case, try and spice things up a bit. Make them work for your attention and affection in fun ways that won't make them feel like they're “winning” or “losing”.
What to do when a friend pushes you away? ›- Try not to take it personally. Chances are they'd appreciate some support but might not be ready to accept it. ...
- It's not your fault. ...
- Have patience. ...
- You don't need to take abuse. ...
- Keep an open line of communication. ...
- Looking after yourself. ...
- Worried about someone's safety?
Being close can make some people feel very vulnerable and unsure of themselves, so they may want to step back and “feel safe.” As an alternative, they may seek a sense of control by avoiding closeness. Help her feel secure by letting her know that you are available to listen and offer support when she needs it.
What causes someone to push people away? ›You may push people away because you don't feel like you're worth others' time and energy. This problem relates to low self esteem and self compassion. Low self esteem can stem from other mental health struggles, like depression or anxiety. It can also trace back to your childhood, when your inner voice was shaped.
How does someone push someone away? ›Pushing people away takes many forms. It might involve being verbally or physically aggressive, or, just as destructively, shutting them out emotionally. Pushing people away shows someone still matters to us. Indifference, after all, is a greater form of insult.
Why would someone who likes you push you away? ›Why would someone push you away if they love you? Some people can't help but push their partners away because of a fear of intimacy. Sometimes this is because they had a tough upbringing, and find it difficult to connect with people. Others may have been through trauma later on, such as an abusive relationship.
What is it called when someone pushes you away? ›disaffect. verblose affection for, estrange. agitate. alienate. antagonize.
How do you get back the person you pushed away? ›- Talk to him. The first thing you should do to learn how to get him back after pushing him away is to communicate. ...
- Compromise. Love is all about compromise. ...
- Give him some space. ...
- Focus on the positive. ...
- Do something fun together. ...
- Let go of jealousy.
When someone becomes distant, they will become short with you. They will not want to engage or keep the conversation going, so their replies to you will be short and non-inviting. When the two of you are talking in person, they would also be short and they would look distracted and uninterested when you are talking.
How to act when he pulls away and comes back? ›Letting him know that you understand his reasons for pulling away can make him feel more comfortable about reconnecting to you. Empathize with his struggles, but also be brief and to the point—you don't have to dismiss your own feelings of hurt. Say something like: “I totally get it—life happens.
How do girls act when they pull away? ›
Reasons women pull away vary, so it's important to talk. If a girl starts to pull away, you don't need to push her to open up immediately, but it's helpful to open up a non-accusatory dialogue so that she will feel comfortable enough to tell you what's going on when she's ready.
Why do girls pull away when they catch feelings? ›“Some women pull away because they want to keep a relationship within a certain boundary (such as not exclusive), and they're catching feelings and can't handle it,” explains Bennett. If you think she may be afraid of feeling too strongly too soon, try to talk to her and put her mind at ease.
Why does she push and pull me? ›She continues: “Motivations of this behaviour are typically based around insecurity and can happen because one partner is feeling a need to seek validation, followed by anxiety around being too vulnerable.
Why is it so hard for me to open up to people? ›Sometimes people struggle to upon up with others because of mental health challenges that they're dealing with. This could include things like an eating disorder, bipolar disorder, or other personality disorder. People with depression and anxiety may also struggle with opening up on a deeper level with people.
How do you keep people away from you? ›Restraining orders can take various forms. You can get a restraining order to keep someone from harassing you; you can get a restraining order to keep a person a certain distance away from you (i.e. 50 or 100 yards) at all times and you can get a restraining order to force someone to move out of your home.
Do guys push you away when they like you? ›Similar to a guy who is scared of commitment, he might feel that it's getting a little too intense for his liking. Sometimes, guys act distant even when they like you. Sure, he loves you, but he also might be feeling that the emotions between you and the way you spend so much time together are a little too much.
Do guys pull away when they are stressed? ›“Under stress, men tend to withdraw socially while women seek emotional support,” Mather said.
When he is distant what to do? ›- Let him have his space — but not too much. One of the main reasons men pull away is a lack of testosterone. ...
- Don't rush your relationship. ...
- Encourage him to have his own social life — and have one of your own. ...
- Offer to pay or at least chip in.
Definitions of pushover. someone who is easily taken advantage of. type of: flunkey, flunky, stooge, yes-man.
What happens to a man when a woman pulls away? ›Pulling back might make a man want you more, or it could completely go the other way. If he senses you withdrawing, he might decide to give up rather than put in more effort. When you pull back, he might feel like he has no chance of getting your attention. Or he could feel like the whole situation is not worth it.
How do you let go of someone you want back? ›
- 10 Ways to Let Go of Someone.
- Decide Whether the Relationship Is Worth It. ...
- Have a Conversation. ...
- Cut Off Contact. ...
- Accept That You're Only in Control of Your Own Actions. ...
- Lean on Friends and Family. ...
- Trust the Process. ...
- Prioritize Self-Care.
As a general rule, you have the legal right to use force to protect yourself against physical violence if you reasonably believe someone poses an imminent threat of bodily harm to you.
How do you let someone come back to you? ›- Give them space.
- Analyze the reasons for the breakup.
- Work on yourself independently.
- Spend time with friends and family.
- Re-establish contact with your partner.
- Listen to your partner's needs.
- Tell your partner what you need from them.
- Own up to your mistakes.
"Many times people who are not particularly fond of you have a hard time making eye contact," Craig said. "These individuals often seem distracted or disconnected while speaking and engaging with you. Their eyes may shift to other things happening around you which indicates a lack of respect and attention."
How do you know if someone doesn't want to be your friend? ›- #1 You Put in Most of the Effort.
- #2 They Actively Avoid Connecting Deeply with You.
- #3 They don't ask about you.
- #4 They Stop Reaching Out or Making Plans.
- #5 They Regularly Cancel Plans.
- #6 They Make Excuses.
- #7 They're Always Busy.
So, being too busy, citing excuses, or flaking out on you every time you need help or support is one of the unmistakable signs your friend doesn't truly care about you.
How do you know a friendship is over? ›If your friend doesn't respect your feelings, it's an unhealthy relationship. Feeling anxious or negative in your friendship is a sign that it may be best to end it. Your friend is dishonest or holds back information. “Deep connections require trust,” Schmitt says.
How do you know if someone doesn't want to talk to you? ›- Using lazy responses like “oh really,” “you're so right,” or “totally.”
- Mirroring the language you use such as “It's really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold.”
- Ignoring questions or statements.
- #1 – Don't justify their behaviors. ...
- #2 – Don't lose yourself. ...
- #3 – Don't overcompensate. ...
- #4 – Don't stay for the wrong reasons. ...
- #5 – Don't stick around. ...
- If you need to stand up to someone who doesn't value you, do so soon!
He is stressed in other areas of his life
He is just stressed – it could be work, or maybe he is having some personal issues with his family, friends or health. Sometimes, pulling away is a form of defense mechanism. His past bad experiences can make him afraid of going through heartache again.
Is he really busy or avoiding me? ›
If you're not sure if he's ignoring you or just busy, try texting him something more interesting. A “hey” is like, asking to be ignored. Even if we weren't busy, we'd find something to do just to not respond to a “hey.” But, hey, he might just be busy. The only way to find out is to stop being so boring.
Why do people pull away when they like someone? ›Fear of intimacy
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.
- Focus on your own self-worth. ...
- Remind your partner why they were attracted to you from the start. ...
- Make an effort to understand your partner's needs. ...
- Communicate what you're feeling.
- Make a unique first impression. Save. ...
- Mind your appearance when you are around her. ...
- Show her your mysterious side. ...
- Exude confidence. ...
- Hold back a little. ...
- Don't be clingy. ...
- Keep any romantic feelings for her a secret. ...
- Be the one who knows her best.
- You're seeing through rose-colored glasses. ...
- The warm and fuzzies heal your pain. ...
- You feel lovesick. ...
- You can't eat, can't sleep. ...
- You might start to feel a little obsessed. ...
- You develop cravings. ...
- The eyes have it. ...
- You gotta get too close for comfort.
She will test you by not texting back immediately or keeping from initiating a conversation. This is a sign that she wants to see how interested you are in talking to her. She wants to see if you are putting in the effort to reach out to her. Sometimes, she may play hard to get to see if you will stick around.
How do you know if a girl is holding back her feelings? ›- She Makes Plans With You. ...
- Her Friends Know About You. ...
- She Wants To Know About Other Girls In Your Life. ...
- She Is Available For You. ...
- She Looks For You. ...
- She Knows Every Detail About You. ...
- She Shares Her Personal Information With You. ...
- You Notice A Difference In Her Behavior.
Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you: You were too difficult for them to control. You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you. You no longer fuel their ego, so they've moved on to someone else who can supply what they need.
What happens when you push a good girl away? ›When you push her away, you make her feel like she'll never be good enough to make anyone stay. You bring up every insecurity that's been dancing in her mind for her entire life. Because when you're so quick to dismiss your feelings, you make her feel like a complete idiot for having any towards you.
When someone is hot and cold in a relationship? ›There are many reasons a person blows hot and cold. It could be that they are not ready for a committed relationship; they don't know what they want; they are not sure what to do about their intense feelings for you; or they are emotionally unstable or unavailable.
Why would someone push you away if they like you? ›
There are different attachment styles that most people have. And if someone is pushing you away, then they might have what's called an avoidant attachment style. In other words, they avoid emotional attachments with other people as much as they can because it's uncomfortable when they don't.
Does being clingy push people away? ›Remember that clinginess is a no-win situation. It doesn't benefit you or the other person. It can often wind up pushing them away and making you feel bad about yourself. Almost everyone experiences minor insecurities in their interactions with other people.
How do you know if you are forcing yourself on someone? ›- You are not excited to be with the person.
- He/she does not inspire you.
- You do not see yourself spending the rest of your life with him/her.
- There is that longing to be in love.
- You may be content, but you are not really happy.
- You know in your heart that s/he is not the one.
If a guy doesn't trust love or if he isn't really clear on how you feel, he might be worried that you are going to say goodbye. He might pull away as a way to help him cope with the sense of impending doom he'll feel if you say no. And here you are worried that he's going to leave.
What to say to someone who is pushing you away? ›If the person is pushing you away because they're dealing with something difficult, offer your help. You can say something like, “I'm here for you if you need to talk or if you need help with anything.” Let them know that you care about them and want to support them through whatever they're going through.
What to do when a guy starts pulling away? ›Give him space; stop worrying about what you did to turn him off. When he withdraws, it can negatively impact your ego and self-esteem. So, shift your focus – get busy or distracted. Don't stop your daily routine and don't feel guilty about focusing attention on yourself.
How do you not get attached to someone? ›- First Rule: Don't lie to yourself. ...
- Second Rule: Manage your expectations. ...
- Third Rule: Rule out certain “relationship” activities. ...
- Final Rule: Keep your self-respect.
Examples of Clinginess in Relationships
Calling your partner several times a day. Repeatedly messaging them throughout the day. Working yourself into a panic when they don't respond. Constantly stalking your partner's activities on social media.
"If you do most of the talking or texting with another person, it's a sign you're coming on too strong," he said. "For example, you write long blocks of text, but the other person gives a one or two word reply. In most cases, the other person isn't that interested and is trying to give you a hint."
How do you know if someone is using you? ›- The person asks you for money, favors, or other items. ...
- The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or preferences. ...
- The person expects you to take care of their needs. ...
- The person appears disinterested in you after their needs have been met.
Why do guys pull away suddenly? ›
Men pull away due to multiple reasons ranging from fears, insecurities, or anxieties to desperation or loss of love. It is crucial for you to figure out the reason behind his pulling away to protect your relationship. And probably the best way to deal with it is to give him space.
Do guys come back after pushing you away? ›Men will often come back after pulling away. This is because they've had the time to better understand their situation and their feelings, and now they're ready to pull down their defenses and take the next step.